So what do I do? How do I change things so that I can move forward in life? I can't bear this anymore...
Thursday, 23 July 2009
What a life...
Sitting here as I have been the last couple of days, I began to think of all the things I could be doing with my life. Why is it that I find myself here, at this place in my life where I am stuck. AGAIN. I am not happy with my course at uni because it is BORING, but I will continue to do it because I want to get a degree. My dreams of being an author will not come to pass because I can not even get the motivation nor a good enough idea to actually write a novel. I am going to be 21 in just over a month and I can't even afford to celebrate it. There are a lot of other thing but it would take a lot of time to write and wouldn't be worth it really.
Pay it forward
Before I write this I just want to say how good it feels to have my laptop back!
Right now, back to business! While my laptop was getting fixed I thought I would catch up on my reading and so I went to the library to borrow some books. One of the books I borrowed was 'Pay it forward' by Catherine Ryna Hyde. Now I am not here to write about this book, because most people will not care, but rather I am writing about the concept of 'paying it forward' which is in the book.
Basically the idea is that one person starts of the chain, and does three big favours for three people. These favours need to be big, like things you would do for your family and maybe your closest friends. Then, instead of saying to these people 'you have to pay it back' you tell them that they have to 'pay it forward' meaning that they have to do a very big favour for three more people. Eventually it adds up, and everyone ends up doing favours for everyone else.
Now I think that is a marvellous system. However, would it work? Would people really pay it forward or would they just be grateful not to have to pay it back? I was having a discussion with someone about it, and they told me that they would never do it because they would feel as if they were being taken for a mug. That explains it all really doesn't it.
I just think that if people are looking for ways to change the world, then starting off small can always work!
Right now, back to business! While my laptop was getting fixed I thought I would catch up on my reading and so I went to the library to borrow some books. One of the books I borrowed was 'Pay it forward' by Catherine Ryna Hyde. Now I am not here to write about this book, because most people will not care, but rather I am writing about the concept of 'paying it forward' which is in the book.
Basically the idea is that one person starts of the chain, and does three big favours for three people. These favours need to be big, like things you would do for your family and maybe your closest friends. Then, instead of saying to these people 'you have to pay it back' you tell them that they have to 'pay it forward' meaning that they have to do a very big favour for three more people. Eventually it adds up, and everyone ends up doing favours for everyone else.
Now I think that is a marvellous system. However, would it work? Would people really pay it forward or would they just be grateful not to have to pay it back? I was having a discussion with someone about it, and they told me that they would never do it because they would feel as if they were being taken for a mug. That explains it all really doesn't it.
I just think that if people are looking for ways to change the world, then starting off small can always work!
Sunday, 19 July 2009
What if...
This does not apply to one particular person, it applies to many different people. So if you read something and think it pertaines to you, it probably doesn't.
What if I had begged you and stayed with you?
Would I be the mother of your child?
Would I be the one crying as those gates shut behind you?
Would I have been trapped in a life where there is sure to be no happiness?
What if I had never met you?
Who would I truly be myself with?
Who would I turn to to make me laugh, when nobody else could?
Who would have seen me through some of the hardest times of my life?
What if I had passed first time round?
Would I have met different people,
had different interests?
Would I have enjoy my course?
What if we had got together?
What if the what if's of our relationship became truths?
What if you were mine and I was yours?
What if together, we could conquer anything?
What if you had never touched me?
What would I be like if that day had never happened,
if I had not been so naive and understood what was going to happen?
What if I could look at you and be happy to have known you?
What if you hadn't liked me?
What if you had decided you liked her better, and got with her?
Would you be with her still, and would I be with someone else?
Would I be happy?
I believe that everything that happens in your life will happen eventually,
if it is meant to happen it will,
so does that mean I am wasting my time with all these what ifs?
If all my what if's will come true...
What if I had begged you and stayed with you?
Would I be the mother of your child?
Would I be the one crying as those gates shut behind you?
Would I have been trapped in a life where there is sure to be no happiness?
What if I had never met you?
Who would I truly be myself with?
Who would I turn to to make me laugh, when nobody else could?
Who would have seen me through some of the hardest times of my life?
What if I had passed first time round?
Would I have met different people,
had different interests?
Would I have enjoy my course?
What if we had got together?
What if the what if's of our relationship became truths?
What if you were mine and I was yours?
What if together, we could conquer anything?
What if you had never touched me?
What would I be like if that day had never happened,
if I had not been so naive and understood what was going to happen?
What if I could look at you and be happy to have known you?
What if you hadn't liked me?
What if you had decided you liked her better, and got with her?
Would you be with her still, and would I be with someone else?
Would I be happy?
I believe that everything that happens in your life will happen eventually,
if it is meant to happen it will,
so does that mean I am wasting my time with all these what ifs?
If all my what if's will come true...
Saturday, 18 July 2009
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO SPOIL THE FILM FOR YOURSELF.
This a hundred percent deserves a blog post. Being a hardcore Harry Potter fan, I went to see the new film as soon as I possibly could! If you have read the books like me, then this film was probably a disappointment to you because:
1) They added some random extra bits, like why did the Weasley's house burn down?
2) They cut out all of the memories in the pensieve apart from like 2. And all of them were pretty important.
3) They cut out all the stuff to do with Harry and Ginny getting together. All we got was one little kiss... that was not what I read in the book!
4) Why was there no mention of the invisibility cloak? I watched the order of the phoenix pretty recently and I swear he had it then. And also it is featured a hell of a lot in the next one so I can imagine they are cutting out a lot from that.
5) Luna found Harry on the train??? I swear it was Tonks?
6) Swear Moaning Myrtle was supposed to have become Draco's confidant?
7) Swear that Bellatrix is not present when Snape kills Dumbledore?
8) Ginny had like four lines in the whole thing... like she is well my fave in the books and they have just pushed aside in this!
9) Blaise Zabini said one word or something like that... that is not right... especially because the actor was buff!
10) And most importantly: THEY CUT OUT DUMBLEDORE's FUNERAL!!! ARE THEY BARKING MAD!!!
I just feel like if you take it as a film in it's own right then it was an OK film, but in wake of the book it was just a very bad remake. Sorry to say. I'm really scared about what they are going to do with the Deathly Hallows!
However, it was very nice to see surbiton station in it! I felt like a part of the Harry Potter magic lol!
<3 x
This a hundred percent deserves a blog post. Being a hardcore Harry Potter fan, I went to see the new film as soon as I possibly could! If you have read the books like me, then this film was probably a disappointment to you because:
1) They added some random extra bits, like why did the Weasley's house burn down?
2) They cut out all of the memories in the pensieve apart from like 2. And all of them were pretty important.
3) They cut out all the stuff to do with Harry and Ginny getting together. All we got was one little kiss... that was not what I read in the book!
4) Why was there no mention of the invisibility cloak? I watched the order of the phoenix pretty recently and I swear he had it then. And also it is featured a hell of a lot in the next one so I can imagine they are cutting out a lot from that.
5) Luna found Harry on the train??? I swear it was Tonks?
6) Swear Moaning Myrtle was supposed to have become Draco's confidant?
7) Swear that Bellatrix is not present when Snape kills Dumbledore?
8) Ginny had like four lines in the whole thing... like she is well my fave in the books and they have just pushed aside in this!
9) Blaise Zabini said one word or something like that... that is not right... especially because the actor was buff!
10) And most importantly: THEY CUT OUT DUMBLEDORE's FUNERAL!!! ARE THEY BARKING MAD!!!
I just feel like if you take it as a film in it's own right then it was an OK film, but in wake of the book it was just a very bad remake. Sorry to say. I'm really scared about what they are going to do with the Deathly Hallows!
However, it was very nice to see surbiton station in it! I felt like a part of the Harry Potter magic lol!
<3 x
Friday, 17 July 2009
Men vs Women
This is a topic that has astounded the masses for years! What I am going to write is not what is true, it is a matter of opinion, and whether you agree or not is completely up to you. These are just a few issues which keep coming up that get people everytime, and I just wanted to cover them.
1. Recently, a lot of males have been saying to me 'girls are so confusing' and I'm like no we are not at all. A lot of women say 'men are so confusing' and I say I don't find men confusing at all. You only think people are confusing because they are not doing what you want them to be doing. For instance, if I meet a guy and give him my number, I want him to call me the same day or the next day, and then I will freak out if he doesn't call me. Then I would act like heartbroken and confused becasue 'I thought he liked me'. The guy might have had some family emergency and might be thinking to himself 'I've got to call that girl when I can' but he just HASN'T had the chance.
2. I was in the pub with a few friends the other day, and we were talking about double standards between men and women (i.e. men saying that women are sluts when they sleep with more than one guy, and yet they do more than that themselves). Apparently, a guy had explained to one of my friends that 'women control who they have sex with and how it happens. Men have no control over it.' I think that is such bull. A lot of girls have sex with a guy to get him to like her, and you try to tell me that women control it. NO! It all depends on the person. Some women will manipulate to get it, some men will. Some women will succumb to men's mainpulation, some men will succumb to women's manipulation. That is the way the cookie crumbles!
3. Me personally, when I am in a relationship (which I am at the moment) I feel like I will die if the person goes like 2 metres away from me. I know a lot of people like that. That is soooooooooooo unhealthy. And I really want to stress that. You become so dependant on that one person and you don't care about the world outside you and them. And then if things go wrong you end up having to build your friendships back up again because your friends think that you will do that to them again.
4. Also, there are certain people who just don't know how to let go. I am one of these people. If something ends, badly especially, then I always need 'closure'. Closure just fools you into thinking you are over it. What I have learnt is that you need to let go in your heart. It is easier said than done, but everything happens for a reason, and when one door closes another one opens. Make sure you are not so hung up on someone else that you don't notice the new door opening.
That is all I can think of right now. Please let me know if there is anything I have left out or anything that offends anyone.
Peace out <3 x
1. Recently, a lot of males have been saying to me 'girls are so confusing' and I'm like no we are not at all. A lot of women say 'men are so confusing' and I say I don't find men confusing at all. You only think people are confusing because they are not doing what you want them to be doing. For instance, if I meet a guy and give him my number, I want him to call me the same day or the next day, and then I will freak out if he doesn't call me. Then I would act like heartbroken and confused becasue 'I thought he liked me'. The guy might have had some family emergency and might be thinking to himself 'I've got to call that girl when I can' but he just HASN'T had the chance.
2. I was in the pub with a few friends the other day, and we were talking about double standards between men and women (i.e. men saying that women are sluts when they sleep with more than one guy, and yet they do more than that themselves). Apparently, a guy had explained to one of my friends that 'women control who they have sex with and how it happens. Men have no control over it.' I think that is such bull. A lot of girls have sex with a guy to get him to like her, and you try to tell me that women control it. NO! It all depends on the person. Some women will manipulate to get it, some men will. Some women will succumb to men's mainpulation, some men will succumb to women's manipulation. That is the way the cookie crumbles!
3. Me personally, when I am in a relationship (which I am at the moment) I feel like I will die if the person goes like 2 metres away from me. I know a lot of people like that. That is soooooooooooo unhealthy. And I really want to stress that. You become so dependant on that one person and you don't care about the world outside you and them. And then if things go wrong you end up having to build your friendships back up again because your friends think that you will do that to them again.
4. Also, there are certain people who just don't know how to let go. I am one of these people. If something ends, badly especially, then I always need 'closure'. Closure just fools you into thinking you are over it. What I have learnt is that you need to let go in your heart. It is easier said than done, but everything happens for a reason, and when one door closes another one opens. Make sure you are not so hung up on someone else that you don't notice the new door opening.
That is all I can think of right now. Please let me know if there is anything I have left out or anything that offends anyone.
Peace out <3 x
Pro-life/Pro-choice
Recently, I met a guy (not in that way), and he had a bit of a reputation, if you know what I mean. We started talking about what he would do if he got a girl pregnant. Now he said that he wouldn't want this girl to have an abortion because he didn't believe in it.
It's quite funny, because up until that moment I was completely pro-life (which is not to have an abortion) but then when he was talking I started thinking to myself 'how many women is he potentially going to sleep with tonight, and not care if he gets them pregnant?' I mean it's one thing if your happy in a relationship but you are too young to have a baby and your family will frown upon it, but you still decide you want the baby. But this guy was blatantly very sexually promiscuous, and he was sitting there telling me that he would have a baby if it happened.
Now I don't know the odds or whatever, but just imagine he slept with three girls in one night and got each girl pregnant. He wouldn't let the girls have an abortion and he seems like a charming guy and could probably persuade them not to. Then he would just be an absent father for three children who would be the same age, and would grow up resenting there father.
Basically, I'm trying to say that while I am pro-life, I do think that there are some cases where you have to do what is best for the child and sometimes that is to let that child go before it gets born into a life where it will not be happy.
Peace out <3 x
It's quite funny, because up until that moment I was completely pro-life (which is not to have an abortion) but then when he was talking I started thinking to myself 'how many women is he potentially going to sleep with tonight, and not care if he gets them pregnant?' I mean it's one thing if your happy in a relationship but you are too young to have a baby and your family will frown upon it, but you still decide you want the baby. But this guy was blatantly very sexually promiscuous, and he was sitting there telling me that he would have a baby if it happened.
Now I don't know the odds or whatever, but just imagine he slept with three girls in one night and got each girl pregnant. He wouldn't let the girls have an abortion and he seems like a charming guy and could probably persuade them not to. Then he would just be an absent father for three children who would be the same age, and would grow up resenting there father.
Basically, I'm trying to say that while I am pro-life, I do think that there are some cases where you have to do what is best for the child and sometimes that is to let that child go before it gets born into a life where it will not be happy.
Peace out <3 x
Things can get worse, and they will
I've always thought the saying 'things can't get any worse' is possible one of the worse sayings in the world. Who made it up anyway? Everyone knows that sometimes you just have one of those days where you wake up late and can't have a shower so that you can catch the bus, but then you miss the bus anyway, and then the next bus is late, and then you get to Uni and you find out your lecture was canelled anyway, so you decide to go home and sleep but your next door neighbour is playing music and you can't exactly tell them to stop because it is the middle of the day... you get the drift. And at the end of day's like that you always think to yourself 'things will get better tomorrow' but that is possibly one of the worst things to think in my opinion, because you are just setting yourself up for a fall.
Now the reason I am going on and on about that saying is because, as those close to me will know, lately I have had a lot of problems related to money. Basically I have this rich Uncle in Nigeria who feels indebted to my dad for bringing him up, and so he tries to help me out in life as much as he can. This year he has been sending me some money every month to go towards my living costs, but the money stopped in april! Then I had to pay my deposit for my house which took up most of my overdraft (because yes, I was in my overdraft by then) and then I had no money towards the summer, which has resulted in me sitting at home bored stiff. Next week, our first month of rent is due and I did not know how I was going to pay it, because my Uncle decided to be stush with his money for the first time in his life. I was really, really worried about it and became and insomniac and literally had to beg for help, but luckily he isn't a heartless mand and he gave me the money.
So, finally, that was sorted, and I was finally able to sleep. I still needed money for other things but none where as important as that. Now for a couple of days, my baby (laptop) has been acting dumb and my mum kindly bought me anti viral software to see if I could find out what was wrong (I know I sound spoiled but I'm not!). Basically the anti viral software kept causeing my laptop to shut down and restart itself in 'safe mode'. I bought my laptop in America and so I contacted HP technical support in America and basically they told me to this test and it turns out my hard drive needs replacing. But the good news is that my warranty runs out tommorow so I can get it done free. So right then I'm thinking to myself things are getting better and then KABLAAM the inevitable happens.
'Where are you currently residing?' the lovely technical support advisor asks.
'United Kingdom' I reply.
'Ooooh...' she says.
'Oh,' I say 'what do you mean oh?'
'Well, we can only provide techincal support within the country it was bought it.'
So basically, I couldn't get it for free and it is going to cost just under £200 to get a new one. My mum's saying I might aswell invest more money and buy a new laptop. Either way another lot of money is going to be needed.
Another constant worry for me at the moment is my 21st birthday. Without any money, how am I going to celebrate it? Well I'll let you know how that goes....
I swear the saying should be 'no money, more problems' rather than 'more money, more problems' although I suppose it's money that caused this problem in the first place...
Anywho, I'm out!
God is Love
Rae-Rae
(lol I well think I'm Rev Run)
Now the reason I am going on and on about that saying is because, as those close to me will know, lately I have had a lot of problems related to money. Basically I have this rich Uncle in Nigeria who feels indebted to my dad for bringing him up, and so he tries to help me out in life as much as he can. This year he has been sending me some money every month to go towards my living costs, but the money stopped in april! Then I had to pay my deposit for my house which took up most of my overdraft (because yes, I was in my overdraft by then) and then I had no money towards the summer, which has resulted in me sitting at home bored stiff. Next week, our first month of rent is due and I did not know how I was going to pay it, because my Uncle decided to be stush with his money for the first time in his life. I was really, really worried about it and became and insomniac and literally had to beg for help, but luckily he isn't a heartless mand and he gave me the money.
So, finally, that was sorted, and I was finally able to sleep. I still needed money for other things but none where as important as that. Now for a couple of days, my baby (laptop) has been acting dumb and my mum kindly bought me anti viral software to see if I could find out what was wrong (I know I sound spoiled but I'm not!). Basically the anti viral software kept causeing my laptop to shut down and restart itself in 'safe mode'. I bought my laptop in America and so I contacted HP technical support in America and basically they told me to this test and it turns out my hard drive needs replacing. But the good news is that my warranty runs out tommorow so I can get it done free. So right then I'm thinking to myself things are getting better and then KABLAAM the inevitable happens.
'Where are you currently residing?' the lovely technical support advisor asks.
'United Kingdom' I reply.
'Ooooh...' she says.
'Oh,' I say 'what do you mean oh?'
'Well, we can only provide techincal support within the country it was bought it.'
So basically, I couldn't get it for free and it is going to cost just under £200 to get a new one. My mum's saying I might aswell invest more money and buy a new laptop. Either way another lot of money is going to be needed.
Another constant worry for me at the moment is my 21st birthday. Without any money, how am I going to celebrate it? Well I'll let you know how that goes....
I swear the saying should be 'no money, more problems' rather than 'more money, more problems' although I suppose it's money that caused this problem in the first place...
Anywho, I'm out!
God is Love
Rae-Rae
(lol I well think I'm Rev Run)
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